#this will. probably also be the last! but im really happy i got to be involved in this its such a cool project i had so much fun with it
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hiiii! can I request some hcs (fluff + smut) for chrollo (or any other troupe members) if they have a husband/wife from meteor city (who he grew up with)?
im just rlly tired of ppl constantly making the pt k!snap their s/o’s tbh😕
ty!!!!!
Ofc I can !! <3 also I agree with the kidnapping part , I struggle to find good troupe content that isn't grr yandere zaddy kidnaps you. No hate to those who like that though !
phantom troupe members w a S/O they grew up with !! 🕷️ྀི` .
✧ characters in this are chrollo , feitan , shalnark , pakunoda
✧ content : headcanon format , fluff , smut / not safe for work content , fingering , oral , p in v ( chrollo , feitan , shalnarks part) , angst / death on pakus , also I don't really know how to write male or gn reader so I just did fem !! I hope that's ok.
!! Minors, please do not interact with this post !!
Chrollo 🕷️ྀི` .
✧ growing up with chrollo before the incident with Sarasa's death would be quite sweet tbh , staying up late together , talking about finding new tapes to perform and dub over. You were always a constant in his life , which was comforting for him.
✧ after the trauma of Sarasa's death , It just made him need you around him more. that need for you to be safe lasts into his adult years. This man is so protective of you , not in a cliche get away from my girl type way , no its in the way that your safety is on his mind alot. Especially with the line of work he's in. Probably keeps a troupe member with you at most times when he's not home , just in case.
✧ with the fact you grew up together , you already knew the troupe before it existed , so it would be something he couldn't really hide from you.
✧ I'm a firm believer in that chrollo is suffering from insomnia or some disorder that is similar. like this man is never asleep first when you're both in bed , when he finally puts his book away to sleep you can feel his arms snake around your waist as he breathes in your nostalgic scent. He doesn't get many times to relax nor to be so close to you due to the troupe, but he enjoys these moments more than anything , It brings him back to a simpler time.
✧ you both visit meteor City quiet abit (i'd also like to think you got married there) , seeing you pass out new clothes and food to the kids who live there warms his heart , it makes him remember why he fell for you in the first place.
✧ you were his first time and the only woman he wants to pleasure. I feel like growing up with him makes being intimate just that much more passionate , he fucks you like he might never see you again (which is a possibility If he isnt careful enough with protecting you , the reality makes his heart ache.) . Whispering the dirtiest but softest praises into your ear , acting like he isn't making you moan so loud under him , your voice might give out.
✧ this man eats pussy SO well , after the first time he eats you out your just stunned for a second , like what magic did this man just cast on your pussy to make you feel this good. He probably read a book about it or something. Also defo would eat you out because he likes it not for anything in return , your needs come first for him.
✧ about seeing you helping out the kids in meteor City thing I mentioned. when your home be ready. He doesn't have a breeding kink , but the thought of you taking care of his child and doing motherly activities makes him so happy he can't help but want to get you pregnant the second you close the front door. Get ready for a long night , he has stamina , and he won't be stopping till you're absolutely full of his loads. He'd whisper to you how "I should of done this so much sooner , my darling" or "feeling you this raw is pure bliss... like I'm fully claiming you in body and mind."
✧ 100% into cock warming you while reading a book. No one will change my opinion.
Feitan🕷️ྀི` .
✧ when you first met him , he avoided you like the plague. Honestly , at first you thought he hated your guts. Whenever you hung out with him and his friends , he'd refuse to reply to you but he didn't mean it in a rude way he just didn't want to embarrass himself around you because of how bad his english was.
✧ phinks eventually told you why he wouldn't talk to you , which made you feel somewhat bad ? To communicate with him for a while , you used a pen and some paper you found in the garbage heeps writing down what you said to help him learn some English.
✧ the first time hearing his voice is SHOCKING , he wrote down how he didn't want to because it sounded bad but you thought his voice was soothing which you told him , making him a bit more comfortable around you.
✧ As he grew up , he got more reserved but you didn't care sticking to him like glue , he could complain as much as he wanted saying you where wasting your time being around him or that it's too dangerous for you to stick with him but his words never held any malice more concern that you would get hurt by something or his actions but he'd never admit to having such 'weak' thoughts.
✧ like chrollo , he's another protective boy , but he doesn't trust anyone else with protecting you but himself. Would break someone's neck for looking at you in a way he didn't like , oh and don't even get me started if someone tries to hit on you because they think he's just some short loser who got lucky... let's just say later that night you will hear some screaming coming from the basement (aka where he does his work).
✧ you definitely know about the troupe , he's probably the only one who will outright tell you before you can ask. I mean , he literally tortures people... when you move in together , he literally can't hide it , so he's just honest with you. Another thing if the screams from the basement freak you out and you complain he probably will be grumpy about it , but he will line the walls down there to make it not as loud.
✧ for feitan knowing him from childhood will 100% be the easiest way for him to be comfortable around you , feitan just doesn't like people to be honest but your company is actually enjoyable for him.
✧ another cute thing I can imagine is him trying to teach you his native language like you taught him some English. You telling him you love him in his native tongue... the things that does to him.
✧ both of your firsts times are with each other. Honestly , sometimes you doubt he would have ever even had sex if it wasn't for you. Your first time was... not the best because you both had no idea what to do really , but after that mess of a first time , he definitely went to chrollo or phinks for advice. Another thing is not to make fun of him for it , it would really hurt his ego and he'd probably avoid you for a couple weeks.
✧ he is still a total sadist don't get me wrong but with you he's softer , he can't bring himself to hurt you alot. The worst he can do is bite you or slap you , anything else makes him feel icky because it reminds him of his work too much. He still finds your tears really hot though , and will overstim you just to see them.
✧ the first time he finger you , it was surprising how good he was with his hands (for a torturer , I guess you have to be). He's so unfair when he fingers you , he hits spots so deep you see colours then he'll pull back just near your climax saying he didn't say you could finish yet with a dumb smirk on his face as tears threaten to fall from your pathetic looking eyes.
✧ probably doesn't want kids even if you knew him that long his opinion wouldn't change , if you asked he'd say "no. I dont like kids" but really , he didn't mind kids he just didn't want to bring more kids into a world like this.
✧ super random but has eaten you out in your period before , he doesn't think it's a big deal... like he's around blood everyday ? What difference does it make.
Shalnark 🕷️ྀི` .
✧ he definitely mocked and teased you a lot when you were younger. Stealing your shoes when you where acting on the stage with everyone else or messing up your cute braids in your hair , but he never meant it in a mean way , it was his weird way of showing he liked you.
✧ probably the only one out of the guys to realise he had a crush on you as a kid , would cope by being even more of a little shit to you till he went to far one day and actually upset you , which led to admitting he was only mean to you because he had a silly little crush.
✧ this man is sooo clingy to you , he gives pathetic vibes like you can't leave this mf alone for a couple hours without getting messages like , 'babeeee I miss you (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )' and 'come homeeee pretty please ? 。°(°.◜ᯅ◝°)°。' (yes I believe he uses emoticons). When he's busy on troupe work he's calling you every hour it feels like , feeding you some lies about being on a work trip.
✧ he wouldn't be honest about the troupe with you. You know all the members as you grew up with them , but he thought leaving you in the dark was better. If you asked too many questions , he'd probably tell you you're being delulu. he doesn't want to lie to you but your safety is too important to him and he knows he isn't like feitan and chrollo , he can't always protect you.
✧ he's not yandere , but he is a bit obsessed with you , having cameras in the rooms in his house so he can watch you when he's lonely on a mission. He wouldn't take advantage of the fact he can see you without you knowing , if you started to change clothes or something , he'd turn the screen off. If he wanted to see you naked he'd literally just ask for nudes or look at old pics you sent him.
✧ your first time was... Good ? Shalnark actually knew what to do , mostly from how much porn he's watched to prepare for the day he finally got to do it. Side note he also made you finish during your first time.
✧ he's such a service top when he doms , he struggles to tease you because of how needy for him you sound , can you blame him though when you look so pretty under him ?
✧ whenever he is busy on work for the troupe but he misses you , he always ends up calling you even if you're in public , whispering sweet praises into your ear through the phone asking you to go to somewhere private because he misses you. "Baby... please ? It's been a week and I'm so needy for you" his whiney voice would beg at you , he was too cute to deny.
✧ he loves seeing you in really girly lingerie. It makes you look so innocent that he feels bad for having such perverse thoughts about you.
Pakunoda 🕷️ྀི` .
✧ while you were trying to catch an injured kitten to help it , crawling over the heep of trash it ran over , you saw a blonde young girl you soon learned who's name was pakunoda holding it , softly stroking its fur as it snuggled up into her. Her caring and nurturing personality has been known since the day you met her.
✧ you two were like two peas in a pod , always cheering her on in the audience when she was on stage with the rest of her friends acting out the tapes. It was so silly , but you both had made a pinky promise that when you grew up you would get married.
✧ after Sarasa's death , she abandoned you to focus on the troupe. She left you with a kiss on the cheek and a "I promise when we grow up , I'll find you... and I won't stop till I do." Being forced out as she looked at your form , hands shaking tears forming and soft begs for her not to leave.
✧ you had no clue how she did it but after you left meteor City and moved to yorknew she found you , waiting for her felt like waiting for glue to dry and when she came back she refused to ever leave you again.
✧ she isn't possessive I'd say , but she does sometimes check your memories to make sure you don't do anything bad when she isn't around. She doesn't worry about your safety as much as the others also because no one knows your her s/o but you both.
✧ she told you about the troupe after you demanded an explanation for her leaving you , though she didn't explain her nen ability to you yet mainly just because she doesn't think you're ready for that.
✧ got you a cat called ophelia , it reminds her of how you both first met and she also likes for you to have company when she's busy.
✧ you weren't each others first times , but with how loving and passionate it felt like it was your first time , you would never forget the feeling of her nails running down your spine as she whispered sweet nothings into your ears , leaving lipstick marks on your jaw.
✧ she doesn't like strap-ons , Likes to think her hands and mouth are enough to make you fulfilled , but if you ask her to use a vibrator on you she wouldn't mind.
✧ LOVES when you sit on her face , her nose is built for grinding on as she eats you out. If you were worried about crushing her , she'd spend a good couple minutes lecturing you about your weight was nothing to her and if she did 'die' being crushed by you , it would be a perfectly fine death for her in her mind.
✧ you would only learn about her nen ability when she found out she was the one to have to go get the boss. She had called you after telling the troupe about you , then explained the situation , asking you to go to the location of the troupes base incase this was the last time she could contact you.
✧ after she got kurapikas chain around her heart , she already knew her fate. After the deal went well getting the boss back , she came to the troupes base. Your wet eyes looked at her as you ran to her , falling to your knees , hugging waist. She felt guilty knowing what she was about to do. she ended up using a memory bullet on you instead of one of the troupe members , you deserve an explanation after you spent most of your life waiting for her.
✧ after her death , you kept her gun , keeping it as your last reminder of her you could bare to keep around yourself. Every once in a while , someone in the troupe would send u a message from a random number to see if you were okay the first year after. You were also set for life as everything she had went to you , but it never filled that hole in your heart.
✧ that promise of marriage never happened , huh ?
Omg I got abit carried away on pakus LOL. But I hope you enjoy <3
#hxh#hunter x hunter#phantom troupe#hxh smut#hxh x reader#hunter x hunter fanfic#hunter x hunter x reader#hunter x hunter smut#chrollo x reader#chrollo lucifer x reader#chrollo lucilfer#chrollo lucilfer smut#feitan porter x reader#feitan x reader#feitan portor#feitan smut#shalnark x reader#shalnark smut#pakunoda x reader#pakunoda#pakunoda smut#fanfic
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⋆⁺₊⋆ 𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆
more oc redesigns: oliver!!
#my art#my ocs#art#i got extremely motivated after all the attention cricket got i started this really fast#and probably could have finished it a week ago if i hadn't gone on a family trip for thanksgiving#its finally done now tho#i have new outfit ideas for griffen and cricket :]#and i also wanna redesign my fursona#it will be pretty swag to get it all done before the year ends#then everyone would have gotten a redesign this year#except apollo but he got one last year and im still happy with it
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MY WORK FOR @dsmpherozine !! @salt-oftheearth did SUCH a great job on the script and it was so fun to work on this with everyone!!!!! So happy with how this came out and SO fuckin hyped seeing everyones works put together!!!!!
#dream smp#philza#kristin minecraft#philza minecraft#cphilza#god its been so long since ive posted any dsmp related art lmao#this will. probably also be the last! but im really happy i got to be involved in this its such a cool project i had so much fun with it#virgil arts#man this is so cool#im gonna keep saying that over and over again lmao#also. shout out to the mods for being so nice about delays lmao i got so busy the last month and was trying so hard to get it done on time
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The best of hugs
From my experience 🧡
Ig it can be also treated as (br)otp prompts
🧡 when the other person is much taller than you and you just feel small, but like, in a good way - smol 🧡
🧡 when the other person has to do something, like pick up an object, but they don't stop hugging you. they embrace you with one arm, and after they're done doing that small task, they hug you with both arms again. and it just makes you feel important 🧡
🧡 when the other person hugs you longer than usual, and you just stand and hug, move a little just so that the position is more comfortable and gently pat each other's backs
🧡 when something stressful happens and the other person asks "hey, you want/need a hug?" and it's a really quick hug but it still leaves a warm feeling
🧡 when you're hugging someone and someone else hugs you two, and than another person hugs three of you, and than another person joins and so on, and boom! now it's a big group hug
🧡 or the opposite - when there are two people hugging and they say "come here!"
🧡 when the person you're hugging is wearing fluffy clothes ( ̄ω ̄) i dunno it just feels nice
#shitpost#shitposting#hugs#otp prompts#imagine your otp#no but really#im so lucky that i got to meet so huggsy people#also the first second and the last one are from the same person#his hugs are the best ;;#hes so sunshine btw#like not just his hugs but also his smile is so warm and his eyes are sparkly#i dont even have a crush on him i just love him so much in a platonic way#and im so happy ill probably get to see him again in two-three weeks#and also the long hug person hopefully#and in general the group hug people lolz
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would it be okay if u told me why u like aoki😭/gen😭😭😭😭BEEN TRYNA LIKE HIM FOR SO LONG I JUST CANTT but i love ur art so much so i still consume it otherwise lol
i liked tohru adachi in high school and tbh i think that alone is enough of an explanation for why i ended up liking aoki
#snap chats#haha see i told you last post's tags were relevant#anyway vLKVJEVLKAEJVLKJ IM CRYING ANON youre so funny. this is the funniest ask i coulda got thank you so much#i dont know why i like him either <- yes i do#fine lets get Real Talk about it#well first off all i thought he looked hot rolling out the elevator and i was playing the eng dub and i think his voice sounds hot there#and thats like. not athing that happens to me ever <- literally thought sawashiro was hot two frames into the game but anyway#i like politician characters. or characters that are in a position of power ESPECIALLY if they have to act like they dont suck balls#like i very much love the idea of the power of charisma and that type of thing not to mention the 'strategizing' as aoki puts it#that comes with politics. LIKE HE SUCKS DONT GET IT TWISTED HE SUCKS BUT //shrug emoji//#like its why i love the mine rggo stories i like seeing mine's thought process and how he uses his intelligence#smart's sexy to me idk what to tell you but moving on#its fun watching him lose his cool too ESP IN HIS FIGHT LMAO HE STOMPIN HIS FOOT LIKE A TODDLER SHUT UP#i also really love the arakawa family in general and thinking of aoki's relationship with each of them makes my brain explode#especially him and sawashiro that shit is painful to watch and i love it so much#i also thought him going from goth to republican was the funniest shit in the world like i howled at that AND i was distraught#aokis so interesting to me from the notion that he IS loved by his family but he has so much hatred for himself it eats him up#and as a result he cant be happy no matter what he does- how hes constantly seeking validation even if it's nothing meaningful#his lil. Dog-Eat-Dog world world belief to ichi also appealed to my edgy depressed high schooler brain. sorry.#his speech at the lockers also got to me. unfortunately. sorry everyone i empathized too hard it got too real it wasnt funny anymore#like as much as i complain bout the very end the ending is what solidified me liking aoki if not also cause of ichi's impact in those scene#plus... analyzing him and the environment around him is so much fun too....#idk reasons for why i like aoki also boil down to personal reasons. he still sucks tho so i cant be upset when people hate him LOL#i probably have more reasons or could elaborate more i love rambling but i mean. who really wants to read all that 💀💀#maybe for a character that WASNT the worst but. aoki is so LMAO#thank you for loving my art regardless :) im sorry i have to be attached to the worst guys ever
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being moved to a different classroom for my last week while the head of the program pretends she's doing me a favor but she's really doing my supervisor a favor 🙃
#she said she wanted me not to feel bad and be in a bad situation#but im p sure she did it bc my supervisor was up in the office talking shit ant me again this morning#she was acting all nice but 🤨#she's not nice soooo#also she didn't even follow up when i mentioned safety concerns for the kids when she asked why i was leaving#and she didn't ask me to stay#she did seem sympathetic but idk my co teacher thinks it was a favor to our supervisor to keep her happy#bc thry still think she walks on water#im so worried for the kids but it should be less stressful in t2#also the teacher i swapped with today saw me two hours later and she was like: girl i get it 💀💀💀#lmao#so sad for the kids tho#but excited abt new opportunities#but i did want to have the time to say goodbye to the kids#its probably better to transition them this way bc they'll still see me a little bit the last week but not all day#and get used to me not always being there#so they won't care as much when i'm completely gone the week after 😭#but they were crying at thebgate between the playgrounds today and it was really hard#i was holding finn's hand over the gate 🥺#then we combined classes for the end of the day on the playground and that was like 10 minutes before i went home#so they got happy for a bit then broke down again when i said goodbye 😭#teddy was screaming at the door the whole time after i left 😭#i watched thru the classroom window while the other teachers were consoling them and it was so sad 💔#i've only had one cry when i went home before but this time it was half of them#bc they barely saw me all day then i left as soon as they thought i was going to stay#anyway#i have a job interview tomorrow and surgery#and maybe a second job interview#trying to focus on that rn#still glad i'm quitting but 💔
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Currently I have so many bg3 saves bc I refuse to delete my old ones that will likely never be finished (first ever gameplays, not optimized, everytime I open one I get overwhelmed and stop), but also because I keep making new games with the specific purpose of romancing a certain companion, seeing special dialog, doing a specific style of run, or getting an achievement on steam.
#simon says#currently the 4 that I have right now are fun but I wanna do a new one bc I like making characters and being silly#so far I have:#sad bardlock that was originally going to be a no-romance 'everyone's worst ending' run but then I finally decided to romance shadowheart#since the two of them absolutely give off sad lesbian vibes and just seem to make eachother better#because a doom and gloom bardlock constantly saying 'that sounds lovely :)' to anything shar related quickly made Shadowheart happy#next up is big hulking non-lolthsworn drow who is a cleric of Mystra#because I want to see how a cleric of mystra works with Gale and so far it has SUCH fun interactions#... Jak'ith. my gith jack-of-all-trades romancing Lae'zel#i would be a liar if I didn't say doing a legit jack of all trades run as a gith romancing Lae'zel wasn't the most fun out of all my saves#the interactions are so fucking funny I love it#like I highly recommend a gith lae'zel romance because it's so much fun just bouncing back and forth in dialog#and I got REALLY into stealing after playing Jak'ith so I made a duegar thief who is gonna eventually be a druid#and im gonna make her an exclusively Halsin romance bc I saw some of the duegar dialog options with him and I thought it would be funny#since my last Wyll romance went south (i had hubris in honor mode and lost it all) and I have still yet to romance Karlach or Minthara#those 3 are on my list for characters to make and play bc I haven't explored those routes yet#i also want to try doing a true goody two shoes durge run and a true evil durge run#obviously the evil run will probably be the Minthara romance#also on this list I am ignoring Astarion bc I have romanced him twice now in my two old durge runs so unless I can think of something unique#then im not doing anything with him for a while#well except playing as him#i got an old playthrough with him I should continue bc I wanted to see what his origin stuff would be like in act 3#at some point I do want to origin run all the origin characters bc it sounds really cool#but I want to get a good idea of their character arcs before I do#also for the achievements:#Jak'ith is the jack of all trades no Withers help achievement#My bardlock is the busking 100 gold one#and I want to do a punch drunk build at some point#which would probably be a monk bc of the drunken master robes you can get#but yeah I will probably end up with like 8 or more saves in the end
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1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!
2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr
3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!
overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!
#aritalks#i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use#not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didn’t have before#and i don’t like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk#but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day!#the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow#also one of my best friends who hasn’t said happy birthday to me the past two years#(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years#and then had that moment of ‘oh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late now’ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk)#was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!!#i’m also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight#so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday#my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work#my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all#over the place recently so i’m waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins)#but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered#(her house is my mailing address because i know it’s not going to change bc it’s my great grandparents house that she’s partially inhereting#when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so#just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address i’ve had her house as my#mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19)#so i think i’m gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her#and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too#i’d like to stay the night with them but if we can’t make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure#out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still#dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not#the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one#if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it#but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help#and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks#just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to i’ll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ❤️
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oh yeah we were also wondering why we flock to media with dead kids that haunt the narrative both figuratively and literally and uh :) yeah we know why
#child death tw#rowan seemed so much older when we were kids#but realistically she was barely like 14#maybe even 12 or 13#Jason Todd chara and asriel. them mfs from fnaf and maria#they’re dead kids but at the end of the day they’re all apart of someone else’s story#and a lot of them come back. in one way shape or form#with the exception of maria they all come back wrong and hurt and twisted by their deaths#but still deserving of love. still craving it more than anything#being a vessel for someone else’s opinions. barely even themselves#rowan died. and a part of us died with her#that was probably uh.. yknow. That guys last real time being here#cheri took all the stuff as kid. all of it happened to them but buddy boy was still kinda around#and then rowan died and then. She did too#and then Jay had to take over for years and then cheri came back but didn’t know they were cheri until#like they were 17 because they just repressed repressed repressed#and obviously those are very shallow views of those characters#but to a hurting kid who resonated so much with them they were everything#I have no clue why I’m so introspective tonight#but my friends do call me the emotion guy so#I guess it means something. but yeah something died in us when rowan died#but something was also born. rowan was a person. a little girl who should’ve grown up and that’ll never change#but I think this year is the year that we learn to let her go#im happy i got the chance to know her when we did#I hope she’s a fucking butterfly or something really cool like an alligator if her next life#also we already knew why we flocked to this media because duh. but like it helps to know which part of us needs more healing#who needs a therapist when you have me ;)
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you know if you guys voted for stretch armstrong i probably would have shut up a lot sooner tonight
#so really this is all your fault /lh /j#i love thinking about h2o tho so im happy#VERY FUCKING TIRED THO WISH I COULD SLEEP#i think my brain is kicking into overdrive after being filled with cotton the past 3 days which. hey im glad ur back bud#CAN YOU SHUT UP NOW I NEED REST#i was just thinking because im probably not posting that essay i will summarize here (i saw#that privating it made it lose like 4 recently edited paragraphs and i don't want to type all that out again my memory isn't good enough)#it just boiled down to the pods basically making a self fulfilling prophecy by orphaning their sons and making them increasingly#desperate for connections to other people like them which is why i think erik behaves the way he does esp when ondina is around#like i am not excusing his actions in the slightest dont get me wrong here he really fucked up BUT#his last conversation with ondina before he goes to the chamber kind of sold that idea to me#how he scoffs at her saying rita says it's dangerous because she's 'old school' and of COURSE old school mermaids think all mermen are evil#and then starts adding on how he wants to do this for HER and get her home back for her by controlling it#like a bit of an add-on at the end to try and convince her#i think what he really wants is to be hailed as a hero. you know. validation and acceptance from the ppl who originally abandoned him#the OGs who made him feel like an outsider. the ppl who ripped everything away from him just bc of the way he was born (which is prob why#when he's trying to convince zac to help him he keeps bringing up their ancestors bc that's what unifies them)#i don't think he's an evil dude per se i think he thought stealing the trident stone from rita's grotto would be small peanuts in the past#once he finally got the pod to come home bc he genuinely (mistakenly) believed he COULD control the power of the chamber#i also think that's why the camera keeps focusing on his face when he's watching the others panic over#zac's sacrifice and i think he is feeling jealousy bc they are paying attention to him and not Erik#like that's not the face of someone who deeply regrets what they just did. my guy is just sitting there like 'that should be me rn'#i think that is why he also sounds so desperate to make things right with ondina afterwards. iirc he's just like 'wait no we can start ove#RIGHT?' and she's like 'uhhhh... no??????' (valid). my dude is lonely as fuck and he finally found a group of ppl like him and he messed up#big time just trying to get their attention and affection bc he couldn't just be normal abt it he had to go big or go home#like i kind of feel bad for him in a way#but i feel bad for everyone#i felt bad for denman the other day! that's how bad this is getting!!#i mean come on imagine making the scientific discovery of a LIFETIME only for all that shit to happen in a row#especially after you get your comeback. they just go right back to fucking you over again
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update stuff
because friday is my art posting day i've literally been in a conundrum about stuff... like not every commission that comes my way is some big bitch!!! and i kinda built a brand for awhile on posting my big beautiful catgirl on fridays. im slowly working through like. doing this stuff As A Job™ (which is insanely difficult believe me) while still being aware that im on a time limit because i'll be back at school in the fall...
but im almost through my queue! i'll be starting my last wips tomorrow and then probably reopening slots early on in the week! once im through this current queue honestly i'm probably gonna. not do stuff for a week or so as i take care of other stuff (i have a completely different job in ttrpg work, believe it or not).
the next batch of commission slots will be a bit pricier than the last and there'll be fewer, but its moreso because at my current rate its just not tenable! after i open slots again towards the end of this month, i'll probably open them one last time towards the latter half of august and that'll be it for the summer. i might take one or two here and there throughout the proceeding school year, but in all actuality im probably staring down the barrel of the most stressful one i've ever had.
ty to everyone who likes to come and look at my silly little drawings!!! getting to a stage in my life where it actually seems possible to subsist off of my commissions is really heartening, and i owe it to people who reblog and retweet and buy my services ;w;
happy fat girl friday night gay people!!!! im gonna keep drawing big bitches!!!!!!!!
#kakitalk#update post#as much as i enjoy drawing other people's characters its been grating on me for awhile now that i havent had time to draw my own#which i was looking forward to for summer!!! its a lot to go through 9 months of hell in academia#and then to inflict another 3 of intense work upon yourself#also figuring out rates and payment stuff and taxes... self-employment is scary and it makes my head hurt#ive had a few people ask at this point about a patreon??? which im totally open to#but i probably wouldnt be able to really futz around with it again until next year#the hell school which i cannot name because it is infamously litigious likes to work each student to the very literal brink of heart failur#so doing lots of actual Work™ that people pay me for is functionally impossible when im in class#that being said#i'm gonna graduate in like a year or so! i've got four quarters left#so about fall of *next* year i'll be taking my last classes for my bachelors#inbetween now and then i'll be working to do a number of things#INCLUDING setting up a patreon and a shop!#it'll be stuff i workshop in my free time probably but i'll do polls every now and again on stuff people would enjoy buying from me#nota fakename pinup calendar....#anyway these tags are an abyss at this point#happy fat girl friday gay people have a good one!!!!!#long post
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I am melting into a puddle like the wicked witch
#i speak#i need this heat to STOP#and i need more cold days#and i need time to stop for a few months#ughhh this about to be the worst few months#ive got death anniversaries coming up and birthdays for those dead ppl coming up and my birthday#and siblings birthdays and ugh these seasons already fuck with my emotions#and now theres these things and this heat and my lead teacher fucking sucks as a person#and my work mom is quitting this month and its just going to be one thing after another#and its legit gonna be a thing where i am gonna be late some days bc of how overwhleming this is going to get#kinda feel like that song ‘wake me up when september ends’? yall know the one#but its more like ‘wake me up when october begins’#i think I’ll be okay being a person in october#last year i didnt even really remember that it was my birthday/my graduation anniversary bc everything kind of fell to the wayside#and i dont mean to sound any bit bratty about it but it fucking sucks that even as an adult i cant find happiness at my birthday/graduation#anniversary bc literally smack dab jn the middle of those dates my grandpa died#so its like i hate feelimg mad about it but also what do you mean im probably never going to be happy on my birthday?#god it just sucks#vent#sorry#just ignore this literally
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peasant breakfast i literally just had a roll, string cheese, and a beef stick
#im so tired after yesterday. how do servers do it so regularly.#also really hoping the other server realises shes on the schedule bc she didnt yesterday 😬#and i really dont wanna be alone today 😭😭 physically i cant be or ill just leave#hoping its not gonna be crazy busy but it probably will be. im just waiting until i can go home (<- is already home)#anyway. i thik i made decent tips last night idk i was so tired i couldnt count by the time i got home#and i might have ti have a talk w my boss bc tipped min wage is $3.93 and my paystub says $3.85. brother i want my 8 cents#anyway happy saturday hope your day goes well i love you <3#talk tag
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interrupting non-rgg posting with non-rgg posting do you guys wanna look over my pros-vs-cons list of grocery shopping today thanks
#not rgg#snap chats#i didnt do the full shopping yesterday cause it was late by the time i got to go out and near all the shops were closing OOPS#my bestie asleep so i cant ask her :( this also feel like a dumbass question anyway so it my turn to ask everyone a question <3#anyway review the list with me. ok.#cause the pros of going is that I Get Tasty Food. And Probably More Shit I Didn't Need#i get to buy snacks for my class tomorrow#im wearing a nice outfit :) and that means i get to walk around and wear it more. no one'll comment on it but i'll be happy wearing it#cons: i was JUST at ebisu yesterday and HUUUGE doubt i'll be remembered by the cashier#but the cameras will remember me....#i should finish up the last two comms i have (though counter argument is that i can finish those when i get home)#i finished one this morning so i dont feel too guilty bout not getting work done#yeah thats. thats really it. 🧍♂️#like i really cant think of another con 🧍♂️ AND YOUD THINK THAT'S GREENLIGHTS THEN BUT....#cause im tihnking of grocery shopping today but it feels weird to do it on a thursday#But Today's Also PROBABLY The Best Day To Do It#anyway if everyone may indulge me being a dummy just this once. thanks <3#im gonna work on one of those remaining comms for like an hour. or until i finish the lineart. so like twenty minutes ☠️#and ill see how i feel then#sorry im obsessed with going to the city over i love walking and walking into shops and being alive
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Did the stuff exchange 👍 that sucked 👍 wahoo
#speculation nation#i was very curt bc i just wanted to get it over with.#kinda wish id given her a piece of my mind but whatever#i did shut the door rather forcefully in her face. which hopefully said plenty.#and then i cried bc it just felt so Cold. a stark difference from the last time i saw her.#man ive come to accept it's probably for the best overall but the suddenness of it still sucks so bad.#also the 'i never actually loved you' thing. what an asshole thing to say.#she also missed one of the stuffed animals and it's one i wanted to have back Especially#bc it's a pair with one that i own. i want my little bee's axolotl friend back And i dont want her owning the other one of a pair.#she seemed to really love this deer before. said it gave her a lot of comfort to hug at night.#so i wanted it back especially too. i dont want her getting any more comfort from my prior affection for her.#i just hope that seeing me reminded her that im a real fucking person that she fucked over.#like yeah shes got her new 'love' yadda yadda yadda but she strung me along for 6 fucking months#then broke up with me over fucking TEXT. saying some incredibly insensitive things as she did so.#even if they were the truth. there are still some things that dont need said i think. especially to someone who has trust issues.#but most of all she shouldve fucking done it in person or At Least on the phone.#i told her plenty already how cowardly and horrible it was for her to break up with me over text#and i want to scream it from the rooftops and carve it into her tires#but i wont. because ive said it enough. and being too destructive wont make anyone happy.#not even me.#it just feels like such an injustice. and i feel so angry and hurt.#i can understand and accept that it's probably for the best that the relationship ended here#but that doesnt make the manner it was done hurt any less.#and jesus i thought i was the asshole for how i broke up with my girlfriend last year. at least i broke up with her in person!!!!#i didnt even get that. what a whole load of bullshit.#anyways im gonna play my samurai game. and focus the best i can on just moving on.
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Rereading ayaka is in love with Hiroko senpai!!! Last time I read it I don't think it was finished/I didn't finish it but ack. Now I also want to be in love 😭😭😭
#i want to say i want to be someone like ayaka but in reality im probably more like hiroko#i used to be someone like ayaka. i was really tunnel visioned and i didn't consider much aside from the person i was interested in#but it's been years now and there's a lot more to consider and it's. hard and im even more scared now.#i think there's someone who im currently talking with who's trying to figure out if im into women or not and if im available or not#but it's that sort of thing where there's just. a lot in my shoulders and a lot to consider. i want a relationship eventually but.#there's just so much to consider right now. in the past i thought that as long as i could make my partner happy a rx is just btwn 2 of us#but when i did actually get into a serious long term relationship i realized that most people. do expect getting to have in laws.#people for the most part want to be loved proudly and not have to hide it. and i do too. but at the same time. i just. there's so much on me#i almost came out to my dad the other day while trying to console him. but maybe that news would just be the last straw for him. idk.#i just can't really afford to have my life be shaken up much more right now when i just rebuilt some stability.#especially when my parents are having a midlife crisis and both of them are leaning on me. my health worsening also stressed them out too.#i really thought I'd be braver and have less to worry about the older i got and the more independent i became but. ig not.#in my teens i told myself once i reached adulthood I'd be free to be myself and pursue happiness. in my 20s i tell myself after med school.#maybe once I'm finally out of med school and etc I'll have the opportunity to live my life. or maybe by then there will be another reason.#it's a real concern. i mean. sure I've never wanted kids I've always been ace and I've always liked women but. the societal pressure.#to other queer people the gaydar goes off easily but to the cishet audience i've mostly. been able to go unnoticed.#and when you're younger not having a bf or ppl you're interested in and being focused on your studies is a thing your parents are proud of#but as i get older. it's just been harder. i don't know how much longer i have before i have to conform or have the cat out of the bag.#i don't even get it sometimes. i really don't. the expectation of family and marriage is wanting happiness for your child right? but somehow#idk. idk. i really don't know. sometimes maintaining an image. might be more important than your child's feelings.#and i really can't be certain that between ego and saving face compared to me that. I'll come out on top. i really don't know.#idk. idk. i know there are ppl interested in dating me. but idk. i really need some time to process things through.#sometimes i ask myself how i would feel abt it and i really can't figure out how i feel at all.#it's ok to date someone u don't love ig. i mean. I've done it before. you can make yourself like someone after a while. but idk if i.#idk i just. i think im just really scared. and I'll need at least another month or so before anything is back on the table.#it's honestly just me running away from having to deal with sorting out thoughts and feelings 👍👍👍 which i eventually will have to face ig#but if i do fall in love ik i have it in me to sort those things out quickly i think. if im not too scared to let myself fall.#ig i just have to get more used to ppl being interested in me again ack 😭 it's easy to ignore it when dating someone but. now.#and it was fine in the summer bc i wasn't really around too many ppl my age. but. ugh. unfortunately. i do have. a face and a personality.#delete later
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